I was a tough girl this morning - didn't take any pain meds last night, just tylenol this morning so I could drive the kids to school & go to the grocery store. That was a rude awakening. I guess the grocery store is a lot farther than the walk around 2 blocks I did yesterday because when I got home I was exhausted and hurting. Had to relent and take a pain pill. What is it with those things? You know you need them, you know the doctor gave you them for a damn good reason and yet you don't want to take it. I don't feel bad when I take them, not loopy or sick or dizzy or anything. They switched me to a different one so I don't get the "hangover headache" anymore either. And still I fight myself about taking them. You better believe I'll be taking one tonight.
So, here's a story. Last night was the night to change the bandage for the first time. We go to CVS to get supplies for that. One would think that all the wounds in the world are square. Ever noticed that? Every single freakin' bandage on the market is square - like everybody is bandaging a gunshot wound or something. Every surgical incision I've ever seen is long & skinny. Of course that sample size is pretty small - the 3 I've had - but still, come on. So anyway we don't really find the right supplies but we are making do.
So here I am splayed out on our bed on top of garage towels - like I'm going to have surgery right there & its going to be messy! Kendall is the designated physician with his two deputy dogs. One, Eriana, who is curious as can be. The other, Emilia, who insists she doesn't want to see the wound or have anything to do with it, but who is sure as heck not going to miss this event. So Emilia is standing at my head holding my hands (not sure if that was for her or for me but I'm darn glad she was). Eriana right by my side. Kendall at my feet doing the work. I took off the old one but I didn't look at the wound until this morning. Kendall took one look & said "Wow". I'm still not sure if that was "Wow Good" or "Wow Holy Shit" or "Wow Bad" or a little of each. Eriana said Gross. After I looked at it this morning I know why. Emilia said nothing just squeezed my hands. Kendall did a great job patching together a new bandage with a bunch of tape & gauze. Not the same as the nice smooth one I had from surgery though. And I'm back in the game.
This morning I had to do it myself because the tape was driving me nuts & nobody was home to help. Its nasty. Gross. Repulsive. Disgusting. I wasn't expecting to feel that way about seeing the darn thing. I feel like I should think its amazing since its where the cancer was removed. But I don't. Its going to leave a hideous scar (as if anybody will be staring at my bikini line anyway). And I hate it. I think my friend, Lisa, is right. I hate it because it represents cancer. Normally wounds & stuff don't really bother me. So there is something to this hate beyond just an icky wound.
|Kids & pets.|
Have a great day! and, Karla, thanks for being you.