Monday, January 23, 2012

Now I'm Really Really Mad, I Mean Happy

WARNING:  Rollercoaster Post Follows....
 So, for the most part the long & torturous wait for results is over.  The PET scans showed nothing else in my body except for the one malignant tumor in my left upper thigh.  At least thats the best I can tell from the very short and impersonal electronic messages I get from my physician's nurse.  Really?  How about a damn phone call people.  This is my life we are talking about.

OK, deep breathe, I'm okay.  Really I'm thrilled that they found nothing else - no tumors anywhere else in my entire body.  That is fanastic news! 

But, I kind of feel like we're right back where we were two weeks ago though when we first met with the Orthopedic Oncologist.  One tumor, so now what?

Here is the verbatim I got from the nurse today:  Dr Holt says, "let her know that the disease is limited to her thigh and we will arrange surgery soon".
So, now all of you are as fired up as me right.  I mean talk about a rollercoaster of emotions.  Thank God there is nothing else.  All of your prayers and positive thoughts worked!!!

But, the clear question - now what?  Surgery - what will that consist of?  What will the recovery be like?  How long will I be out of commission?  What happens after that?  Chemo?  Nothing?  What are the follow ups for the rest of my life like?  What does "soon" mean?

Rational me says they are being very methodical, not over-dramatizing the situation as much to keep me calm as anything else.  Rational me also says, as a woman and communciations professional, they SUCK at communicating.  No empathy, not even a remote sense that they can relate to how I'm feeling.

OK, another deep breathe, what else am I feeling?  Why am I not feeling the relief I expected to feel at this news?  Probably because that sense of relief is so overpowered by all the unanswered questions I still have.  I never imagined this would be so difficult.  I never before appreciated the power of the unknown.  Its far more powerful than the known, even when the known is something you've been hoping for with all your might.

So, no picture today, I'm not feeling it!  But I did want to share this glorious news with you all as soon as I could.  I promise as the story unfolds to fill you in -- and not to vent so much next time.  Well, maybe I shouldn't make that promise!

Thank you, a million times over, for all you all are doing for me every day.  For your thoughts, for your prayers, for your smiles, for your emails and comments.  Stick with me, please!!

1 comment:

  1. Judy, you vent all you like. Rant, rave, whatever. That's what this blog is for. I am so glad at the way the results have turned out so far! My whole team of friends is praying for you. :)


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