5 Years

Happy Thanksgiving!!  I hope today has been a day filled with love and happiness.  We have enjoyed a laid back day with way too much food accompanied by a lot of time together enjoying each other's company.  Just as the day should be - my favorite holiday!

On Tuesday I spent half the day at Vanderbilt for my five year check up.  Its a long story that has to do with Vandy's electronic health record transition which caused a bunch of issues with my scans, but I didn't find out until yesterday afternoon what the results were.  I saw Dr Keedy Tuesday morning.  Hard to believe I've been seeing her for nearly 6 years - in January it will be 6 years.  Her nurse, Liz, is like a friend after all this time.

As I sat in the "belly of the beast" as I call the Cancer Center check in area surrounded by people affected one way or another by cancer, I felt nothing but lucky.  There are a lot of reasons for that.  But, I couldn't help but feel sympathy for the "unscarred" people who looked so terrified - you could tell they were newly diagnosed and had no idea what was going on.  There were so many others who were left disfigured by the bastard disease.  One man across from me had horrific radiation burns on his neck.  His wife had applied burn cream to them, and she accompanied him to the hospital faithfully holding his hand and helping him navigate his visit.  They spoke in very hushed tones but their love for each other spoke very loudly.  Another woman, relatively young, was accompanied by a friend - neither of them showing any outward signs of the scars cancer leaves, but I know all too well how many invisible scars they both probably have.  You can tell those there for a long day of chemo - they have big survival bags full of blankets, snacks, knitting, movies, etc.  There are 3 or 4 other folks like me - alone.  I'm lucky to be alone - it means I'm not knowingly facing anything today that I need moral or physical support for.  Long may that last!

The culture of the belly of the beast is interesting too.  Sometimes people start up conversations which lead to quick revelations of their entire oncologic medical history within 3 minutes.  Other times nobody speaks except to the people who came with them.  There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason for what happens when - perhaps it just depends on whether you make eye contact.  I always wonder what peoples' stories are, but I'm sure not going to initiate a conversation.

Anyway, musings...  I am one of the lucky ones - my scans were good.  I am officially five years cancer free which dramatically reduces my chances of recurrence and means I move to annual check-ups.  All being well, my next trip to the cancer clinic will be in November 2018 when I will have a complete set of scans.  I do have plenty of scars from cancer.  Some are internal and invisible and some are physical.  They're all part of the fabric of what makes me me so I have to embrace them.

I hope everyone Black Friday shopping finds the treasures they're after!  I'll be sound asleep(-: